Exploring Grief and Why It Comes in Waves
Grief may be one of the most undesirable emotions we can experience due to its complex nature. Unfortunately, it’s something that we can’t avoid. We will all experience loss in some fashion over the course of our lives. Actually, grief is a normal response to loss.
Part of what makes grief so complex is the spectrum of feelings that come with it, as well as its ability to show up whenever and however it feels like. The circumstances of the loss can heavily dictate how the course manifests.
Since grief isn’t a one-size-fits-all, it’s important to have an understanding of the signs, symptoms, and course. Here’s a closer look at how grief operates.
Possible Signs of Grief
How grief can manifest can be quite wide. It can also change as time goes by or under different circumstances. Common signs of grief include:
Feeling numb to most emotions
Feeling removed from social situations
Immense sadness
Frequent crying or uncontrollable emotion swings
Having a reduced appetite
Experiencing sleep disturbances
The Stages of Grief
Typically, grief is experienced in five stages. Moving through each of the stages is not a linear process and may be done out of order. It’s not uncommon to bounce between them or revisiting previous ones.
Denial: Loss is not something easily taken and accepted. It’s natural to want to deny it’s occurring and the denial stage represents your mind's attempt at protecting you from negativity.
Anger: When you experience a loss, one of the first line of defense emotions is anger. You may feel anger towards the person you lost or anger towards a situation. In some instances, you may feel anger with a higher power.
Bargaining: In order to feel better or make sense of the situation, bargaining is a common coping mechanism. Whatever you can do to reverse the loss, you’d be willing to do.
Depression: As reality sets in, the heaviness of the situation can lead to feelings of depression and deep sadness.
Acceptance: The last stage is one where you have come to terms with your loss. You may not be over it, but you can move forward.
Why Grief Comes in Waves
The Nature of the Loss
Loss is inevitable and grief is the normal response, but it can still feel like a roller coaster. Significant losses mean there will be a shift in your daily life. When faced with loss, you have to confront the concept of impermanence. Coming to terms with the new reality can be difficult. Some days will feel easier than others.
The Brain’s Ability to Process
The brain is a powerhouse, but grief can take its toll. When you experience loss, it can be too heavy for the brain to handle all at once. In order to protect yourself, your brain may try to process pieces at different times, creating a wavelike experience. Quiet moments or easier days early on may just be your brain giving you a break.
Triggering Factors
Initially, feeling grief is tough. From there, you can be easily triggered by random sights, smells, sounds, discussions, or memories. Anniversary dates can also be triggering. Triggers can be sudden and come on when you least expect it. This can also lend itself to the feeling of a wavelike experience.
Emotional Resilience
Another reason grief comes in waves is your emotional resiliency. After a loss occurs, it can be extremely overwhelming and you may feel powerful feelings of sadness. As time goes by and you move forward, you should be able to find it easier to manage your emotions. It’s easier to find calm in between periods of sadness. With that said, it doesn’t eliminate triggers from taking you back to an overwhelmed place.
If you’re struggling with loss, reach out to us to learn more about grief therapy and your options for finding healing.
